Recently I have taken a step back from quite a few things and reassessed other things in my life. I think this is important to do at times because everything is always changing so it’s good to take time to process it all. I’m finally in a position where I want to learn why I deal with things and why I react to them in certain ways and I am getting help to do this properly.
One thing I have never been very good at is actually feeling my emotions or recognising they exist. I’m very good at dismissing them, ignoring them until they get too intense or I have to deal with the situation.
Apparently this comes from spending so long ignoring how I felt about being abused and pushing it to one side that it has become my default reaction to my emotions and feelings towards situations. This means sometimes people think I don’t care about things or have no reaction to them, which isn’t the case I just process it later and end up dealing with it later.
Part of what I have been learning to do recently is recognising my feelings as they happen, taking time out to appreciate how it actually feels and not feeling guilty or ashamed for feeling that way.
To help me do this I have a notebook I carry around and I have spent a week writing it all down and breaking it down so that I can visualise it. The next step is to learn to express it all to other people, I think this is going to be a longer process but I think I will be able to do it and it will help me as it means I will stop bottling things up and will learn to communicate things more rather than deal with everything on my own.